About Me: I think my twitter bio sums it up best: I am a Working Mom of 2, Wife, Sister, Daughter, Aunt, American, College Graduate, Jayhawk, Blogger, Movie Quoter, Shower Singer, Road Rager, DVR-a-holic
When I was a kid, I went through phases like most kids do. There was a time that I clung to my mom and wanted to be with her instead of playing outside or hanging out with friends. Then there was a time where I wanted to do anything except for be with my mom including preferring homework over having to listen to her. I think it was just one of those "anti-parent" stages I was going through. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't wild or crazy, I just got so annoyed by the things she would say. Giving her a hug was like second nature to me at first and then I became more distant and giving her a hug was like a job instead of like a reward. It is sad to think I went through that, but of course it only lasted a short while and I came to my senses, but it didn't happen overnight. All I wanted to do was get away, not runaway, just get away from everyone at home. I wanted to be like some of my other friends who barely had rules. I always asked permission to do things, but I didn't always like the response. I would ask why I couldn't do something and my mom would say, "because I said so." I would say that so-and-so's parents said it was okay and she would say, "I'm not so-and-so's mom." Whatever. I'd move on and ask if I could stay the night at a friend's house and she'd sometimes say no and I'd ask why and she'd say, "I would just feel better if you were here." Ugh! I thought she was out to get me, punish me. What did I do? I wasn't a bad kid. I got good grades, was on honor roll, played sports, wrote for the newspaper. What is the issue? I wasn't out "raising hell" on the back of some guy's motorcycle wearing a leather mini and a tube top. I was going to be at a friend's painting my nails for goodness sake. Why did she insist on punishing me? Right then and there, in those moments, I made myself a promise. I told myself IF I have kids, I will NEVER use those lines. I will give my kids answers instead of supplying these over-used one-liners that instinctively make fire burn inside of them with anger. I wouldn't have excuses, I would have facts. Every time I heard lines like the ones my mom used, I'd roll my eyes, call her a name under my breath and behind her back, turn up my music and call my friends telling them I'd be over when my mom got a grip. Before I move on, let me be very clear...I respected my mom (in front of her), I loved her (even if she drove me nuts), but I didn't understand her. I couldn't. We were on different levels, we were different ages, but then...it happened.
My life took a turn down mom lane and there I was holding a beautiful 6 lb. 14 oz. baby who would eventually call me mommy. And it happened...I understood. I understood that at that moment I would do everything in my power to protect something so innocent and precious. If I had to be the uncool mom to do so, I would. If I could have paid my mom in dollar bills that day for how sorry I was for being...a teenager, she'd be a rich woman.
As the years have passed and our little baby grew up, now almost 5, I find myself answering his millions of questions mostly with answers as I promised myself many years ago, I would do, but when I get to my breaking point, it slips, "Jaxson, you can't jump off the stairs because I said so!" Immediately a shrieking noise came to mind the first time that slipped and ever since...those momisms come out like raccoons in the night. I can't even stop myself and to be honest, I don't want to. You try answering question after question and not get frustrated when no answer is good enough. I still remember Jaxson's first sleepover. I didn't want to let it happen as I knew it would open up a new can of worms. I was a worrier. Still am. Will always be. (That's a different post in itself.) I didn't want my 'baby' to sleep anywhere but in the comfort of our own home. When George asked me why I didn't want him to have a sleepover, another one of those one-liners flooded out, "I would just feel better if he was at home." Why was this happening to me? He was just going to sleep at his grandma and grandpa's house who lived just down the street. It wasn't that big of a deal. I know I was a young mom, but man, I just aged 20 years saying that! Regardless, it was true. Again, my mother's face came to mind as that second momism made its way into the air.
As Jaxson entered Pre-school last school year, I knew there would be things he came home saying that would make me so proud and others that would make me cringe. I think I asked him at least twice per day where he heard something from. He'd tell me one of his friends from school told him and I'd think...here we go with having to worry about what other kids are saying and not just my own. We'd talk about how certain words like "ugly, fat and kill" were not nice words (imagine the context I heard those words in) and I would tell Jaxson that he was NOT allowed to use those words and inevitably he'd say, "Well, so-and-so can say it." (quite the famous person so-and-so is today) to which I replied faster than ever before, "Well I'm not so-and-so's mom so I can't control what they say." Yep, there it was. Strike 3 Momism at its finest. By now, I can't deny it. I am doing things I said I would never do and there is no stopping me now. I know over the years, my kids won't always agree with what I say or do and I know just like them, I will fall down and sometimes not so gracefully, but they'll know when they're my age or when they become parents that I did everything FOR them and not TO them. Sometimes there is just no escaping it...sometimes you have to give into the momisms to get all the perks of being a mommy. It truly is the best, hardest job I've ever done and I'm so glad that I get to do it forever.